snow kid legend boy

snow kid legend boy 

the knot that pains for days 

isn’t from him only 

Also my dad 

when he went 

gone and back and gave up 

After pretending to come back 

i talked to the kid 

decades later 

under anyone anyone might want me to be 

says he’s terrified 

after i

without wisdom  

invited him outside in the snow 

we locked the door 

i pray for the invisible help 

of which i don’t yet know it’s form 

to show me what i haven’t seen  

love loosen a complex knot 

to know the difference in a journey and getting too lost 

addicts 

have to stop 

but this is my youngest soul

and anyway i’m worried 

if the boy becomes legend or pieces 

what if the orchid dies in the meantime 

and what about him 

the desire for indepedence, pleasure 

my knot around his torso  

need for love like pasta to his hips 

the suffocating ask of him 

to consider me

i see me get in the way, i watch the knot loosen

for him 

terribly selfless 

Him is in iceland 

the boy is outside in the snow 

what if i visited my dad 

in his absence 

and he said i love you 

would i cry 

or would i say i don’t feel it  

he says he’s doing his best 

no you’re not 

you haven’t tried that hard 

you’re rolling over 

and he’d then say 

as he has said 

i am rolling over

how can i be working so hard to save my life 

while he rolls over 

seeks pleasure 

and why isn’t it pleasing

to dance w god and love 

when it comes to me

it seems too late to ask for help  

knot tightens

i’m joining the boy in the snow sometimes

take his hand sometimes 

and thinking about this mess